What do you have with him? Why is he calling you? Who is he?
She's couldn't answer the questions anymore. She decides to stay away from her male friends. It was the only way to have peace.
He made her believe she was for him only. He dreamt a lot. In those dreams he shared with her, it was mostly about their wedding. He claims God speaks to him through his dreams and he believed they were meant to be.
She decides to tag along. "If it's meant to be, then we have to make it work. We will learn to manage ourselves."
He was broke. A student with little to no support from home. She didn't mind. She was willing to share. She shared with him from her little allowance.
Not long, the "thank you" became "I hate you" in actions not called for. Occasionally he would remind her of his Dad's lectures; "Do not take money from a woman, she will disrespect you in return."
Nevertheless, she bore it all.
They lived in different states. The relationship was over the phone.
On a cool evening, it felt like the perfect time to talk. She called. He answered and said, he would call her back once he got home.
An hour later, she called back. Same story. He was with some fellowship members and this fellowship sister in particular.
She dare not go to bed without them talking. All hell would be let loosed. He always gets mad if she goes to bed early or without hearing from him first.
It was almost midnight. Then he called. Nothing important was said. Just stories about the folks that made him call her so late at night.
As days went by, the fighting became more frequent. He felt he could treat her anyhow, after all, she had no place to go. She can never leave him.
It was evening. She hadn't heard from him all day. She knew he was broke. She called him. He said he was at a viewing center.
"So you have some cash to go watch a football match and you couldn't call me?"
He said he'd call back soon.
That evening, some friends paid her a visit. They were on assignment to drop an item with her. She attended to them. They left. She was alone in the house and she went on to lock the windows and the doors and finally retire to her room.
She checked her phone. He had called. She didn't hear the phone ring.
She called back to explain why she missed his calls. The friends who came by were male friends. They came at 8PM.
He couldn't have it. The questions; Who? Why? What? The tone wasn't friendly.
She tried to calm him down, but to no avail.
Then he said; " stay away from me".
She obeyed.
Days passed. She didn't call him. Her radio was her companion. She didn't feel alone. She didn't feel the connection between them. It had disappeared.
Finally, he called.
Him: "why haven't you called me?"
Her: "You said I should stay away from you"
Him: "You know I don't mean it"
Her: "Well, I had to give you your space. You didn't believe my story and I feel offended."
Him: "A lot has been happening with me."
Her: "I think you owe me an apology"
Him: No! You owe me an apology. You are the reason I'm in this situation. You don't care about me. I cursed the day I met you. You.....
He went on and on, blaming her for things she didn't do. He made her feel like she was a terrible person. He blamed her for things that he did.
"I'm done". The words came out.
She told him it was over.
He thought it was a joke.
She stopped talking to him. He wouldn't have it. He kept sending her messages. Weeks passed, she never replied.
He couldn't understand how she broke up with him.
One day, he sent her a message. In that text, he explained something crucial.
Then, she understood why the connection got lost.
He cheated!
That same fellowship sister, who was 5 years older than him, engaged to be married, he cheated with her.
He felt she knew somehow and that was the reason she left him.
He never understood what he made her go through. He never understood the emotional abuse, the gaslighting, the torture.
Finally, she is free.
Do you know the signs of Emotional abuse?
It starts so subtly. They make you feel like they are looking after you, protecting you. When they are actually imprisoning you or isolating you from your loved ones.
The best thing to do, is to walk away.
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